Thursday, May 29, 2008

Tired.

I'm tired.

Tired of dealing with insurance companies.
Tired of matching insurance claims to bills.
Tired of filing appeals.

Tired of scrubbing puke out of the carpet, the sofa, Noah's clothes.
Tired of doing laundry.

Tired of worrying about Noah's weight.
Tired of staring at the bottom of the growth chart.
Tired of trying to figure out how to get enough calories into my son.
Tired of having more questions than answers.

Tired of being sad.
Tired of feeling cheated.
Tired of putting on a brave face.

I'm tired.
But then I look at Noah's face.  
And there is no one else's momma I would rather be. 

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.  (Jeremiah 31:25)

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

We'll keep praying for you Deb! You are allowed to be tired and you are allowed to feel this way...you are human. However, you are also a child of God and he is always there for you...even in these times!

Ron said...

Deb,

I agree with anonymous. But I also feel compelled to take another step ...

Heavenly Father, please uplift and bless our sister Deb and brother Josh today. They are tired. And they need to feel your loving arms around them, holding them, ministering to them, wrapping them in grace. Please touch Noah and bring healing, strength and growth to that little body. You can do this because You are God. And we will trust You no matter what you decide.
Ron & Debbie Woods

Anonymous said...

Rest in Him, Deb. Let yourself be still, and feel his presence. I will keep you all in my prayers, specifically for rest and peace for all three of you.

Bill and Melodie said...

Praying for you! I can't imagine having to do what you do, but God gives us the strength we need to endure! Praying you find rest!

Matthew 11:28-30

Melodie

Christy said...

I can relate to this. Somehow God gives us just enough to make it through each day, moment by moment, second by second. But sometimes it feels like we can't take another step for pure exhaustion. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Hey Deb! I admire your honesty in this post. I can't imagine what it's like to watch your little one throw up his food so often. I'll keep praying for all three of you.

On a lighter note, if it makes you feel better (and maybe not so alone)... Yesterday evening, before putting the boys in the bathtub, I stripped down Caleb and he took off running while I was busy getting Luke ready for the bath. Come to find out, when he took off running, he went into his bedroom to use a corner of his room as a toilet. Yep! Poop on the floor. There was some in the bathtub too. I cleaned out the bathtub and made Lance clean the carpet in the bedroom.

Some of the hidden "joys" of parenthood. :)

Tired of cleaning carpets as well,
Heather

Jodie Allen said...

what is so hard is that you are dealing with all the normal tiredness of motherhood with the added exhaustion of Noah's illness. and i'm sorry for that b/c all i know is being mommy-tired, I can't imagine adding in the other. i guess the only thing i can offer is that if you just tell yourself that you can survive this day it makes things seem easier, at least for me. whenever i think ahead i get overwhelmed and the exhaustion sinks me lower. like as you're cleaning up puke for the second time that day and start thinking about doing the same thing tomorrow it will seem harder than if you think, "in 5 minutes i will have this done and can move onto this". at least that's how i've survived times when both girls had stomach bugs, or when my contractions are seemingly endless but i still have to care for two toddlers. i break my day into tiny increments when i feel like that and it does help. a little at least.

hang in there.

Jen(ni)/Fern said...

I am praying that you get a second wind.

(or third, or fourth...)

Anonymous said...

You're in my prayers.
love,
Laura

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